Life is chaotic, imperfect, messy, hard, and heartbreaking.

But maybe we embrace the mess, instead of always trying to clean it up.
Maybe we rejoice in the perfectly imperfect chaos.
Maybe we dance in between the difficult moments.
Maybe we breathe in the heartbreak and breathe out with joy at the 
small victories of that imperfect life.
Maybe we rejoice with hugs, laughter, song, and find every small moment
of life does offer something to be grateful for.  Even when we feel alone, lost,
friendless, unloved, unworthy.  There is ALWAYS a way to find the blessings.  Always a way to see the joy.  Always a way to make it better.  Aways a way to heal.  Always a way to understand. 

Or at least we try.  We have to try.  Every day. 

I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.

Grateful for Jim.
Spent his Saturday night listening to me talk until midnight.
Best Saturday night I've had in a while.
Thankful for big brothers.

• “It didn’t matter how big our house was; it mattered that there was love in it.” –Peter Buffett

Sarah-
Thanks for coffee and girl talk.  Always grateful for time with you!

Imo's-
Thank you for a hot pizza!

Netflix-
Thanks for the last season of The Ranch. A day in my flannel pants binging on Netflix and eating Imo's was a day I needed.

Grateful that Riley and I made it half way to St. Louis.

Grateful for hotels that accept pets.

Hopeful for a good nights sleep and safe travels tomorrow.

Not always sure what true gratitude actually is.

So I could be grateful I finished my laundry. Woo-hoo!

But it feels superficial and disingenuous.  

I WANT to have those moments every day where I feel absolute gratitude
and recognize the blessings in my life.

Sometimes, they just don't happen.
I have to grope for something, anything, anywhere....

Forcing myself to write it down does help with reflection and to look back at my day with fresh eyes.  Doesn't always work.  But it helps. 

So today, I am grateful that I took the time to think about my day and the good things that it brought.  There were several small things.  Nothing that i feel like putting on paper.  

Thankful that my mom is ok today.

Thankful for Kellie.  I always feel safe with her and better when I leave.

Thankful for friends who share an evening that begins with heartache and pain and ends with great wine, laughter, and so so much love.

It's not what we have in life, but who we have in our life that matters.

Does it count if I'm grateful for the day to be done?

It was a day full of anxiety, sadness, anger.  But I got to the end without losing my mind.  I would say that's a win.

So yeah, whatever, I say it counts.

Beth

Had a long, lonely day today.
Not terrible, just had a difficult time fighting the quiet in the house and the loud voices in my head.
Watched way too much tv.
Didn't laugh once. Well, maybe one small giggle at Bad Joke Sunday.
I have realized that I need to laugh more.  It really does make my day better when I can take at least a few moments to smile, laugh, be silly.

So...I am grateful for Bad Joke Sunday.  Looking forward to Bad Joke Monday.
Please keep them coming, Tim.

I am thankful for my friends who know the perfect thing to say to make me laugh.

“If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.” 
― Robert Frost

Grateful for a long hot shower after cleaning the garage.

Thank you, Martha, for a perfectly timed card in the mail.  I miss you so so much.  

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.

Can't believe it has been 3 years.

But I really need  to do this right now.

Thank you, Beth, for being my rock.  I can never repay you for what you do for me.

Thank you, Poopsie, for.........you.  BFF's like you are a rare and beautiful thing.

Thank you, Emily and Jessica, for being strong, supportive, caring, funny, loving.  You two are my world. 

Thank you to everyone I spoke to on the phone today.  Your support and compassion means everything.