Fuck. Feel like shit. SO unhappy. I keep trying and hit a goddamn wall every fucking time. What the hell is going on? Lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely. But I'm not alone. That is the big fucking joke, right? I have never wanted to kill an iPad, but murdering one right now would make me feel so good. I might as well be wearing a flour sack and shave my fucking head. No one would notice. Why yes, this is a new sweater with a sexy bra peaking out. Thanks for noticing. NOT I reach out to touch, kiss, snuggle, sit together, start a conversation. I DO. I DO IT OFTEN. But the fucking iPad is more interesting. Or am I not interesting enough? I'm guessing not. Yay for me. Trying trying TRYING to reconnect. Should be simple. WHAT THE FUCK am I doing wrong? All the time and space in the world and I'm competing with what??? I feel like I am trying hard, but not really getting any feedback, so I don't even know what, if anything, I could do differently. JUST FUCKING LOOK AT ME! Look up from your iPad and SEE me. Reach for me. Touch my face, Touch me anywhere. Kiss me. Ask me to sit with you. Show me in any any any way that you SEE ME! I'm so close to giving up. The anxiety is LITERALLY giving me headaches every day. And I don't like headaches. Really really hate to beg, but here I am begging like a little kid trying to get moms attention. Pathetic. Really pathetic, Jen. So I guess I try to sleep, get up, put on my big girl pants (or my boring old granny-panties. I'm done with the sexy shit) and try again tomorrow. I was beginning to think that this relationship was worth fighting for. But not if I'm the only one fighting.